It’s Cover Snark time! So let’s settle in and try not to drink anything while reading!
Elyse: DONT YOU DARE GET JIZZ ON THOSE BOOKS
Amanda: Maybe the bindings are in need of some extra glue.
I’m sorry.
That was real gross.
Redheadedgirl: AMANDA
Amanda: I APOLOGIZED RIGHT AFTER I SAID IT.
Amanda: What.
Redheadedgirl: …that’s not a seal, that’s a baby.
Also what do you redeem a seal (or a baby) for? Commemorative stamps?
Elyse: Where did her arms go? Why are her legs made of noodles? Where are HIS legs? NOTHING HERE MAKES SENSE
Sarah: Wait, does “forced seduction” include dissolving the heroine’s skeletal structure? Have we been reading science fiction all this time?!!
Amanda: Okay. Question 1) how is he holding her up like that? Question 2) Why is her hair a concerning shade of radioactive red? Question 3) Her shoulders must be dislocated right? Question 4) How much do we have to pay that steed to buck the both of them off and send them tumbling down that hill?
Elyse: Apply drops as needed. If burning persists, please see your doctor.
Carrie: WTF
They told me that if you overuse anti redness eye drops you might see some rebound redness but this is too much.
Amanda: All I can hear is Ben Stein’s voice from the Clear Eyes commercials and I’m praying he gets a deal to narrate the audiobook.
There’s something about the way that kid on the SEAL cover that has me persistently seeing it as dressed like one of those children from before we started gendering toddler clothing and just stuck them all in dresses. I guess that’s supposed to be girl clothing, but all I see is “anachronistic history dress.”
The baby looks pretty irritated about being expected to redeem the SEAL. Stick to your guns, baby! Redeeming the SEAL is not your job!
I’m wondering why the couple on the last cover are staring at the camera. For all the silliness of the other covers, the people on them don’t look like they want me to leave them alone. Well, maybe the baby does.
what sort of monster abuses a library that way?! And can I second Ben Stein for the audiobook narration. I would actually buy a romance audiobook by Ben Stein just to see other people’s faces when I blared the love scenes.
The third cover makes me wonder if I’m about to become their pre-coital meal. Is there a cannibalism romance sub-genre?
How does a seal become a billionaire anyway? I didn’t know SeaWorld paid that much.
Maybe I’m over-seeing things, but on cover #1, the dude’s shoulder blade is so prominent that it’s kind of looking like a moob, and his neck is angled so awkwardly… that it kinda seems like his head is on backwards.
I’m never going to unsee that now 🙁
On the first cover is she pleased by the book smell or is there something going on with body parts we can’t see?
That THWATD cover looks like it was done by two different artists. Like maybe the artist stepped out for a smoke after finishing the horse and their ten year old decided to help.
So, aside from the unpleasant flashback to working in the College Library and checking in a rather sticky copy of My Secret Life (aka Sex diary of a Victorian gentleman) the thing that bugs me about the first cover is that the bookshelf looks like a shelf of 19th Century books would look today (aka antique) versus the brand spanking new way they should look based on the costuming of the couple.
In that first cover, she looks pretty pleased, but he looks like he is scanning the titles of the books on the shelf behind her.
@Heather S: Maybe he wants to make sure the relationship is worth perusing.
Persueing not perusing. Not sure if that was autocorrect or just a Freudian slip.
How does a SEAL get to be a billionaire? SEAL is a pretty demanding profession. I don’t think it allows you enough side time to manage the portfolio of a billionaire. And the US government does not pay SEALS enough to become a billionaire. So… what… He was a billionaire by his twenties and thought, ‘I know! I want to work my rich ass off and possibly be killed by becoming one of the most fit and most dangerous professions in the world!”
In the other hand if a heroine can walk and chew gum at the same time she’s called a Mary Sue. But sure, it’s totally believable that there’s a super hot YOUNG billionaire who decided to be a SEAL in his down time. Surrrrrrreee.
Another round of the Photoshop Phollies! The couple in that first cover look weightless, floating around unconnected to that faux-library wallpaper. Maybe it’s really a spaceship. And why on earth is he so fixated on her neck? Secret vampire, maybe?
The billionaire SEAL’s baby was the victim of a horrible Frankenstein experiment; it got the top half of one baby and the bottom half of a much older one. Either that, or it has extendable bionic legs.
re: Wolf & Dove: Inflatable girlfriend seems to be losing pressure fast. Next, she’ll be shooting around the countyside like a cartoon.
Is anyone else freaked out by the open flame next to all those books on the first cover?
The TWATD horse seems directly copied from some country scene in which it is diligently labouring to plough something, now it looks like it is straining to get away from the weirdness.
*Does not confess to a library moment similar to the first cover* And no we didn’t get any extra glue on the books.
That baby is all wrong–the head comes from an older baby (but, like, definitely under a year) and the body is that of a two or three year old. That is seriously disturbing.
Best part of my Monday? Reading cover snark that actually makes me laugh out loud.
@Lisa–he’s a fake SEAL. That “uniform” looks like he stole it from an airline pilot. He’s going to be exposed for lying on his resume and kidnapping babies. No redemption for him.
@Lostshadows–pursuing? LOL.
Why is his right iris up into his eyebrow!!
Ok I had to go look up the billionaire seal on Amazon, I couldn’t help myself. And do you know what? It was THIRD in the predictive list, so how many of you also went and looked it up before me?!!